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Divorce, by its very nature, has a way of bringing up painful parts of the past. For transgender individuals, there can be another wrinkle: the potential need to use their deadname in divorce documents. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s important to have a legal team that understands all of what you are going through, and supports you.
If you are transgender or non-binary, you are no doubt familiar with this term. For others who are unfamiliar with it, a deadname is a name that a transgender or non-binary person no longer uses, typically the name they were given at birth. Often when we talk about deadnaming, it is in a social context: the college friend who refers to their former roommate as Mark, even though her name is now Madeline, or the relative who keeps slipping and calling a non-binary family member by the name they were given as an infant, rather than the one they use as an adult.
Often, deadnaming is accidental: the speaker is simply accustomed to using a different name, and it takes them some time to get used to the correct name. Other times, it’s intentional. Deadnaming can be a way to deny a person’s identity as trans or nonbinary, and it comes across as invalidating that person just to make the speaker more comfortable or impose their worldview.
In a social context, the deadnamed person can make choices and set boundaries. They may choose to gently correct the speaker, or refuse to continue a conversation (or relationship) with a person who deliberately and repeatedly deadnames them. In a legal setting such as divorce, however, a trans or non-binary person may be forced to use their deadname, and that can add more pain to an already painful process.
Depending on the circumstances, it may be legally necessary to identify you by your deadname in divorce documents. For instance, if you were married using your previous name, then transitioned during your marriage (including a legal name change), your deadname may need to be used on your petition for divorce as well as any other documents in the case, including your divorce decree. Similarly, if you have not had a legal name change, your divorce paperwork will necessarily reflect your legal name, even if it is a deadname that you never use. You can also request a name change as part of your divorce.
In general, to the extent your deadname was used on your marriage license or any other documents creating your marital relationship, it will also need to be used for documents involved in the dissolution of your marriage. The reason is understandable: to show that the person getting divorced is actually the same person who got married. That explanation may make sense, but it doesn’t eliminate the shock and discomfort of seeing a name that no longer represents you on papers that affect your future.
As we’ve discussed, the use of your deadname in divorce is only one of the challenges that you will face during this major life change. In addition to the typical stresses involved in a divorce, you are likely to encounter other divorce issues for transgender people.
We recommend that anyone going through a divorce, transgender or not, prepare emotionally for divorce with counseling. Divorce is not just a legal or social change; it’s an emotional one as well. While some of those emotions are common to most people going through divorce—grief, anger, anxiety—some are tied to your unique situation. The way you dealt emotionally with change and loss in the past is likely to be the way you will deal with your current stressors, including having to use a deadname that no longer serves you.
If your previous coping mechanisms did not work well for you (or even if they did), they may not be what you need now. Working with a counselor can help you rest securely in your true identity during and after divorce, even as the legal use of your deadname may seem to threaten it.
At Mundahl Law, our Maple Grove LGBT family law attorneys have worked with many LGBTQIA+ clients, including transgender and non-binary people in divorce. We are sensitive to the unique family law issues that apply to this community in general, as well as to your specific needs as an individual.
We know that the name used on your divorce documents is more than just ink on a page. As divorce attorneys, we naturally want to make sure that those documents achieve your legal goal—the dissolution of your marriage. If the law requires the use of your deadname, we will use it to the extent needed, paired with your true name. Generally, all names must be used in the document, but legal documents filed with the court have a caption. It is our practice to use “a/k/a” (“also known as”) in the caption so that your true name is prominently reflected.
Divorce, even when amicable, is hard. As your divorce attorneys, our commitment is to make the process as simple and stress-free as possible. Respecting your name and identity is an important part of that. To learn more about deadnames in divorce and how we help transgender and nonbinary individuals navigate the process, or to schedule an appointment, contact Mundahl Law at 763-575-7930 or click schedule a consultation to speak with our Client Advocate.
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