Why Telling Children the Truth Matters in Times of Divorce and Loss

When families go through deeply emotional events like divorce or the death of a loved one, it's natural to want to shield children from pain. Many parents and guardians believe that softening or even hiding the truth protects their children. But in reality, dishonesty—no matter how well-intentioned—can do more harm than good. Children are perceptive, and what they don’t understand, they will imagine. Often, what they imagine is far worse than the truth.

In difficult moments, children need honesty, compassion, and security—not confusion wrapped in good intentions.

1. Children Sense More Than We Think

Kids are emotional sponges. Even when they aren’t told the details, they can sense tension, sadness, or changes in behavior. If parents are separating or if someone has died, children often know something is happening. Lying to them creates a sense of mistrust. They may begin to question not only what’s going on—but also whether they can rely on the adults in their lives to be honest with them.

2. Lies Create Confusion, Not Protection

Telling a child, “Everything’s fine” when clearly things are not only delays their understanding of reality and creates a disconnect between what they feel and what they’re being told. This dissonance can lead to anxiety, behavioral problems, or emotional shutdown. It teaches them to doubt their instincts—something that can follow them into adulthood.

In the case of divorce, saying “Mommy or Daddy just went away for a while” or blaming one parent unfairly sets the stage for resentment, confusion, or emotional turmoil. In the case of death, avoiding the topic or using euphemisms like “They went to sleep” can lead to fear and misinterpretation.

3. Honesty Builds Emotional Resilience

Telling children the truth—gently, age-appropriately, and with love—helps them build emotional resilience. When children are given accurate information in a safe and supportive environment, they learn to process pain in a healthy way. They learn that life includes hard moments, but they can get through them—and that they are not alone.

Being honest does not mean being brutal. It means explaining what’s happening in a way they can understand, answering their questions openly, and being there to help them process the emotional weight of it.

4. Trust is the Foundation of Security

For children, their world is largely defined by the adults who care for them. Trust in these caregivers is the cornerstone of their sense of safety. When adults lie—especially about big things like a divorce or death—it can shake that trust and leave long-lasting scars. On the other hand, honesty fosters a secure attachment and strengthens the bond between child and parent.

Even when the truth is hard, it can be comforting when delivered with empathy and consistency. It tells children: You matter. Your emotions are valid. You deserve to know what’s happening in your world.

5. Preparing Children for a Complex World

Life is full of challenges, and part of raising emotionally intelligent and adaptable children is preparing them to face those challenges. Avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t protect them—it delays the skills they’ll need to navigate reality. When you tell children the truth, you’re modeling emotional courage, communication, and respect.

Final Thoughts

Honesty during painful times is not about dumping adult emotions onto children. It's about meeting them where they are and walking with them through the uncertainty. It’s about honoring their right to the truth in a way they can understand.

Being truthful doesn’t make the pain go away—but it helps children process that pain in a healthy, trusting environment. And that’s the foundation for emotional strength, lifelong trust, and the ability to face future hardships with courage and clarity.

In the end, the truth—delivered with love—is the most powerful form of protection you can offer

The experienced legal team at Mundahl Law can provide the guidance and strategize to best meet your family’s needs. We’ll help you understand your rights and options under for the divorce or custody process, ensuring that what happens is in the best interest of your child.

If you have questions about custody or parenting issues or need help navigating the divorce process, call Mundahl Law at 763-575-7930 or click schedule a consultation to speak with our Client Advocate. You can also use our online contact form to get the support you deserve during this transitional time. At Mundahl Law, your family matters.